


i don't wanna lose control, i just wanna see the stars with you

by sarawatines



Series: the ramking soft agenda [5]
Category: My Engineer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Happy Ending, Insecurity, King just needs a break, M/M, More of an open ending, Self-Doubt, So much angst, maybe? - Freeform, set in 1x13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:46:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24375997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarawatines/pseuds/sarawatines
Summary: Honestly that was what shook King to his core. How could someone trust him like that? He was used to people relying on him but it was different with Ram. He didn’t mind that the other willingly leaned on him during this hard time but King was afraid that he couldn’t do the same. He really couldn’t. This injury was enough proof. He was afraid of allowing Ram to take care of him. He was the one who took care of others; no one needed to take care of him. He was capable of doing it himself, right?+King ponders why he decided to push away Ram—was it because he was simply too insecure? Scared? Did he not trust him? There was a part of King that no one else was allowed to see. If Ram saw that part would he run away or would he decide to stay just because of pity?
Relationships: King/Ram (My Engineer)
Series: the ramking soft agenda [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1721128
Kudos: 89





	i don't wanna lose control, i just wanna see the stars with you

**Author's Note:**

> listen, i firmly believe there is more to king than what everyone things. king pushing ram away in 1x13 made a lot of sense (granted he could of done it differently) but it’s evident that he was not used to other people taking care of him; he was the one who cared for others. anyways, enjoy this little one shot! i love these characters so much and i’m sad it’s going to end.

King knew he would regret pushing Ram away. He knew that regardless of how it hurt both of them this simple request could be their ruin. It’s not like it was a bad idea or that Ram would resent him for it—it was the opposite actually. _King would resent himself._ Rather than objecting to King’s half-assed attempt of creating distance between them Ram took it in stride. _He would stay away from King for as long as the other asked._ This partially had to do with Ram blindly trusting King yet again. _From the very beginning Ram had this blind faith in King, he trusted him wholeheartedly and without even thinking twice._

Honestly that was what shook King to his core. How could someone trust him like that? He was used to people relying on him but it was different with Ram. He didn’t mind that the other willingly leaned on him during this hard time but King was afraid that he couldn’t do the same. _He really couldn’t._ This injury was enough proof. He was afraid of allowing Ram to take care of him. _He was the one who took care of others; no one needed to take care of him. He was capable of doing it himself, right?_

King shifted in his sleeping bag acutely aware of the fact that this tent was smaller than he originally thought. King could not believe that something he wanted for awhile now—in Ram’s embrace, strong arms _cocooning him in, finally feeling safe—ended in a matter of seconds._ This whole day was too much too fast. The way Ram dragged his out of the water after he fell down, the flower crown, carrying him back after he fainted outside the medical hut. There was a million little things that Ram did that should have warmed King’s heart but instead made it an arctic tundra. It just reminded him how helpless he was. How pathetic.

The comment from their friends only twisted the knife in further. _They were a cute couple._ The words shouldn’t of filled him with dread but it did. It’s not like he was confused that he was into a boy—no that had nothing to do with it. It had to do with the fact that it was Ram. Quiet, mysterious, caring Ram who was currently going through a rough patch in his life. If King tried to start something between them right now...that would be wrong right? He would be taking advantage of Ram. It was evident that he was not in the best place mentally. No one would after finding out the family you thought was secure was really broken. _He couldn’t even lean on his family during this time because by doing that he would just end up hurting them even more._ The only one he had during this time was King and what did he do? He ended up accidentally hurting him today by constantly bringing his father up. Of course Ram didn’t get upset at him, of course he was understanding over his lack of tact. 

Why? That was the question that King desperately wished Ram would answer. _He wished he never would. Why him? Out of all people? Why did Ram trust him? Why did he want to take care of him?_ King was always the one taking care of him, no matter how many mistakes he made. 

Ever since he was a child he had to be resilient because being weak was simply something he just could not afford. He was always the one taking care of his family, his friends, his juniors, almost everyone. Taking care of Ram was almost second nature. 

Allowing Ram to take care of him? That was significantly more difficult. It was hard to let him in enough to do that. What if he thought King was weak? What if he finally saw King for who he really was: just an insecure, scared, loser who overcompensates for that by overplaying the fact that he was the cool and confident senior who didn’t have a care in the world. It was just a mask he put on every morning to get through life. What if Ram already knew that? Is that why he was into him, because of pity? 

Question after question plagued his mind threatening to swallow whatever shred of sanity he had left. It didn’t help that he was delirious and in pain due to his high fever. He would not figure out the question to this tonight nor would he tomorrow. Sighing he buried himself closer into his sleeping bag and let his eyes flutter close, hoping that in the morning he would be just a little bit more sure in his affections for Ram. Hoping that without the pain and delirium he would be able to have a better handle on things so the he could truly evaluate what he wanted. _Who he wanted._

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to scream with me over ramking on my tumblr [here](https://sarawatiness.tumblr.com/)


End file.
